Message From Jade…

Hello Folks. This is me! It’s a picture taken before I got a few grey hairs, but it’s a photo Mother Dear loves. She says I look cute.

Yes… This is me writing to you. Mother Dear gets fed up with trying to write when she isn’t feeling too well. So I thought I’d jump in and tell you about her and my family.

Mother Dear’s Tummy Problems… As some of you know, she gets this dreadful tummy and can get very moody. So long as the human family leave her alone, she can cope, but if they start messing about, she gets a bit snappy with them. Any of us dogs can go and lay beside her on the sofa and she feels better when she tickles our tummies!

This is me with my tummy exposed waiting for a tickle.

For quite a while now, Mother Dear has been waking up in the early hours of the morning with a bad tummy. This means she has to jump out of bed quickly to get to the bathroom. I always follow her there and lay down beside her to keep her company. We can be in there for up to a quarter of an hour or more. Then, when she feels ‘safe’, as she puts it, she darts back into the bedroom to take some tablets to bind herself.

Sometimes, she only manages to get the tablets out of the draw and out of the packet before she has to run back into the bathroom! Trouble is, the sooner she can take the tablets, the sooner she can climb back into bed and get some more rest. All this can go on for an hour.

This morning, she managed to take the tablets quite quickly, but she still has to wait 20 minutes for them to work. She says she is taking twice the number now for them to have any effect. She hates swallowing tablets… they can make her retch. This sometimes does actually make her sick. Luckily she keeps an old small plastic dog bowl beside her bed and another in the bathroom in case she gets caught unawares! 

This morning wasn’t good. Two hours after the first bad bout, she got another… So the procedure of rushing to the bathroom and back started over again. More tablets were taken. Then she got our breakfast sorted but didn’t have time to put it down for us to eat. We had to wait till she could get back out of the bathroom. Never mid, we were very good and waited.

This was the same yesterday morning. and several times over the last week or so. Good job she didn’t go to Crufts as she was bad most mornings that the show was on. She’d never have coped if she wasn’t at home.

New Bones for Us All… The other day, Mother Dear asked our dad to get us some new stuffed bones to chew. We do love them so. We still like the old ones even after getting all the tasty stuff out of them. Luckily, Mother Dear doesn’t throw them away. She just puts them in the toy box if we are expecting visitors.

Most visitors arrive with their dogs and they know where our toy box is, so they go and get them all out again!

This is Titch with his bone.

Titch is my eldest son…. He was what Mother Dear called, the runt of the little. If she means he was very small, smaller than the rest, she is right. We didn’t think he’d live… He nearly didn’t, but Mother Dear worked hard on him. Eventually he showed signs of life and has never looked back. He is now the tallest one of all my sons. Daddy Chris (MD’s son), fell in love with him and hid him when people came to take my other babies home with them.

I didn’t mind having puppies, but was glad when MD* took over feeding them for me. I mean, if they can eat on their own, why do they have to sap the life out me sucking on my nipples too? They had sharp little teeth.

Anyway… Titch adores his dad Chris. He follows him everywhere all the time as I do MD.

Me in the front with Titch behind and Katie standing looking to swap bones!

We never argue over bones… We just all get up and swap round, then settle on the new bone. MD didn’t get a picture of Jazz, Katie’s sister (both my daughters), as she took her bone off to the other room. She likes to chew in private!

Here is Jazz sitting in daddy Dave’s chair, keeping it warm for him.

MD kept Jazz… from my last and final litter. She and MD are very close. She doesn’t follow MD from room to room as I do, but she does like to lie where she can see MD. She can hardly lie at MD’s feet as that’s my place.

She and I often take one of our toys and put them on MD’s knee when we want to have a game. We all pick our own toy and MD throws them for us to catch in turn. We are very good and stick to our own, but Katie sometimes gets a bit greedy and jumps in for one of ours. She’s learning as MD teaches her. She was dreadfully pushy when she first came back to live with us.

Well… I just wanted to tell you that the reason MD doesn’t always update her blog is because she isn’t feeling too good. When she’s like this she eats very little which can’t help. She says she just can’t get her brain in gear!

She did manage to get her article written yesterday for the magazine. She says she might put it up here after it’s published.

I’ll sign off now, but I’ll try and write something when MD doesn’t feel like it. I have lots to tell you about myself. I’ve been to a few shows and even went to Crufts one year. That was fun.

* MD – Mother Dear

Technorati Tags: Dogs,Stuffed bones,Diverticulitis

SIX AFFAIRS

            
The 1st Affair…
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One  day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where  have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The  2nd Affair…
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.  They decided to try one last time for the son they  always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered  a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the  nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!' 

The  3rd Affair…
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.  Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever  seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician  commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such  an impressive private part. It must be saved for  posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening  his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

The 4th Affair… 
A woman was in bed with her lover when  she heard her husband opening the front door.  'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She  rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.  'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,'  she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so  I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even  when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a  beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody  offered me a damned thing.'

The  5th Affair…
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly,  Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man  exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How  much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?'  exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' 
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' 
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th & Best Affair…
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have  something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

An Unexpected Visitor…

The last person I expected to see yesterday was my friend Angela (a vicar). She has one of my dogs from the last litter… Charlie, a red and white collie. She does Obedience and Flyball with him.

The first thing she said when she walked in was that my dogs had put weight on since her last visit a month ago! I hate over-weight dogs… You often don’t notice as you see your own dogs every day.  So, from today, they are all on a diet… Not just mummy dog Jade, who always seems to be a little fatter than I like… Though my vet says she’s fine! I’d rather have them on the lean side than on the fat side.

So new rules around here:

1. A lot less titbits please.
2. No left-over food to be given unless I add it to their normal meals and adjust the complete food accordingly!
3. No falling for soft brown eyes looking at you pleadingly to be fed.
4. No cheating when I’m not looking.
5. More exercise for the dogs.

For the last seven years, Angela has been living up the road running a different parish and has now got a job in Scotland. She moved up there at the end of last month. Her and all 10 of her dogs.

One of her dogs – Flite, a lovely bitch – was entered in Breed at Crufts, so she had come back for the show and has been sorting out the old vicarage. 

Flite picked up a third place at Crufts.

Here she is chewing on a bone in my house.

Angela had taken yesterday off to go to her friend Sarah’s to work her two young dogs on sheep. Then popped in to visit me on her way back to where she was staying. She’ll be travelling back up to Scotland next week.

This morning… I woke with a bad tummy (as so often happens these days), and took some tablets to bind me. We were expecting Pete to turn up after ten to fix a small leak we had on a join in a pipe leading up to the shower which he put in a while ago. I did not need to have to kick him out of the bathroom because I needed it!

I enjoy a visit from Pete as he was born and bred in Long Sutton and he knows about everything that is going on around the area. So we get all the latest gossip!

Apparently, there has been a spate of thefts from cars lately. Silly people leaving sat navs and laptops visible in their cars!  More than normal have been broken into. We have a very small police force in this area. I doubt anyone will get their articles returned.

Anyway, Pete fixed the leak and tightened a screw or two. Had a cup of tea, a couple of fags, then arranged when he could come and help get our swimming pool sorted for us.

I managed to dissuade Dave from having a Hot Tub and that re-vamping the swimming pool would be a better idea. Luckily, I won that discussion and we are now putting some heating in the pool. And we are re-lining it as there was a small hole we had to fix each year!  By the time we have done everything, it will have cost nearly as much as a hot tub would have cost!!!

One good thing is that Dearly Beloved did manage – eventually - to get his £500.00 deposit on the hot tub back. That really was pure luck. Normally, a deposit is non-refundable. I think my nagging and teasing was worse to bare than the wroth of the man who took Dave’s deposit! Poor man reluctantly returned the deposit as I think he was sick of Dave nagging him and threatening him with the Small Claims Court!

Pete is off for a short break. He has been very busy lately. Then, if we have everything we need, he’s coming back early next month to sort the pool out.

So I’ve sent dearly beloved on a mission: To get all the things we need to get the pool finished. He hasn’t got the liner or new skin yet. We already have the expensive heater and other odds and sods we need.

I’ve got an article I’ve been asked to write for a magazine, so I must get started.

Have a good weekend Folks… Stay safe.

Simon Sez…

You may have seen this video before… But I just love it. Enjoy…

SEX & HOUSEWORK

(THE FEMALE PERSPECTIVE)
She'd been taught that housework is a woman's job, but one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table was set.
She was astonished!!

It turned out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who worked full-time and then had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went very well.

The next day, she told her office friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.'

'But what about afterward?' asked her friends.

'Oh, that --- Ralph was too tired.'

God is Good…

An Old Friend Phoned…

Yesterday afternoon I got a very unexpected phone call from a young man I have known for a good number years. I have known him so long that since his mother went back to the West Indies to live in the 1980s, I have called him my adopted son.

Since we moved up to the Fens, I haven’t heard from him, though I did bump into him a Crufts a few years ago.

It all started when Robert arrived at Brixton Dog Training Club with his dog Caesar, a yellow Lab. Then he got Raven, a super black GSD (German Shepherd). We trained Obedience and eventually I persuaded Robert to enter  Open shows and compete. He got his first win under me. I remember it today…Raven did a lovely round.

Robert became interested in Instructing and started his own small club in 1986 in South London. He has a natural ability to put people at their ease and is able to help them get the best out of their dogs.

When the concept of Dog Wardens started, Robert applied to our local Lewisham Council and became their first dog warden in 1990. The stories he told me about the sad cases he came across would make me cry at times. I suggested he should write a book about his experiences. I wrote a few articles for dog magazines about his experiences. I got him judging Obedience at a few shows too, but he doesn’t judge now. He’s too busy.

Robert got interesting in behaviour training and went on every course he could to expand his knowledge and skills. I am very proud that he never stopped learning. Since those days he’s helped a great many people with their dogs.

I was not surprised to switch on my TV one day to watch a new programme called ‘Dog Borstall’ to find that Robert was one of the three trainers. I was so proud of him and later searched the Internet to try and find his email address to write and congratulate him.

Here he is with three GSDs. His name is Robert Alleyne.

Back to the phone call… I was really thrilled to hear his voice on the other end. He told me he never got that email I sent a few years ago. I really should have emailed again or put pen to paper and written or just phoned him. Mind you, I didn’t know if he’d moved? If I’d bothered to phone or write I’d have found out that he hadn’t!

We spent an hour and a half chatting about everything. I cried as he told me how he lost Caesar and Raven and I told him about the dogs he knew that I had lost since we last saw each other.

Robert has written a book now. Titled ‘The Trouble-Free Dog’. To quote from the blurb: Robert…. ‘teaches you how to communicate with your dog. Having acquired this skill, you will then be able to prevent worrying behavioral problems occurring or solve those your dog already has. However, as well as dealing with your pet's psychological needs, the book also covers all the physical aspects of caring for your dog: from maintaining him in good health to the legal responsibilities of being a dog owner. Also included are numerous informative and entertaining case histories which demonstrate the wide variety of problems that can actually occur.’

I haven’t read the book yet but Robert promises to bring a copy up for me when he visits us soon.

You can order the book from Robert Hale, the Publishers. £9.99

 

Technorati Tags: Robert Alleyne,Dog Borstall,The Trouble-Free Dog

Missing Dog…

Have You Seen This Dog?

There is a dog missing and I am trying to pass the word around. Please visit Shelley’s blog to read more about Jacob.

Jacob

Hello friends
As you may already know, we have been desperately trying to find our missing dog Jacob, a male Bracco Italiano who has been missing since 21st Jan.
I know you have most probably had numerous emails from either me, or our friends or the Bracco/Spinone groups who are helping in our search, but right now I am writing to you as the focus of our search has changed.
On Monday evening we had a call from a lady on a mobile (number was shown) and who told us they have Jacob. The call was short, as if she was disturbed and had to go.
We have desperately tried in vain to get to speak to the person on the mobile number again, many (many) times and left messages and pleas for this person to get back in touch with us.
I have additionally sent texts to the phone asking for them to let us know he is okay, to take him somewhere 'safe' for us to get him, and asking if it's about reward money.
So far, the phone rings and is aborted to answer phone every time one of us calls.
I am told that hoaxers _do not usually show their mobile number_, it kind of defeats the object of them calling up. Knowing this obviously adds to our concerns for our boy.
We have contacted the police, who seem helpless (or is that unwilling) in being able to trace the callers mobile due to their "certain criteria". This shocking lack of help just makes this all the more upsetting. If Jacob were a motorbike or car, then the 'criteria' would be helpful no doubt.
So, yet again I find I am left with no alternative than to take the matter into my own hands, and therefore I am asking you to email Jacob's details to as many people as you can, and keep an eye out for him in your local area.
He could turn up just about anywhere now.
If you know of rescues (large or small) in your area, can I ask you to please kindly send them the email to make them aware of Jacob's plight.
I have tried to cover all areas but cannot guarantee to know all the smaller rescues that you would be aware of because you live in the area....I need to contact everyone possible.
We all send those chain letter "send to 8 friends" emails round like wildfire, and I hope that we can do the same here but for more of a purpose.
Someone must know about Jacob, and through word of mouth we hope that it can feed back to us of any information of his whereabouts.
We are just utterly desperate to find him as you can imagine.
It's just heartbreaking the not knowing.
I really do appreciate your time is precious, so Thank You for reading this and passing it on to anyone and everyone you feel can help us spread the word.
Kind regards & Thanks
Shelley Haggerwood