This is an actual picture from a child at school.
After it was graded and the child brought it home. The child returned to school the next day with the following note from her mother:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.
This photo is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints (or your headaches) are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down.
What have I said already about our radiators? I said we had let the air out about 5 times… But still, after a while, the top half went cold and the bottom stayed hot… So the house hasn’t been freezing, but it hasn’t warmed up as much as it should, or usually does. I’ve been putting one of my mother’s shawls round my shoulders for that little extra warmth.
Pete, our man who put the new shower in, arrived to do another job for us. He checked them out and also bled them. Still no luck after about half an hour.
Dave rang the help line we have. We have some insurance we pay a little each month that means we can call someone out to fix a problem. A man came out first thing the next morning. A lovely man… I have to say that as my dogs all fell in love with him and nearly licked him to death! He has a boxer, he told me. He used to have five, all but one were rescues. He obviously knows dogs. My dogs sensed it. l ways trust people who my dogs accept.
He bled the radiators for us and also tried adding some water to one. Made sense to me as there had been so much air in the system. He left… Then rang us a couple of hours later. I went and felt the radiators… All back to normal… NOT WORKING… He popped back and bled them again and left his firm’s office number and said to ring them if they weren’t working again after he had left.
Needless to say… They still went cold. Dave rang the firm. This was last Friday, a week after Pete had tried to fix the problem. They’d send a man out after 2.00pm on Monday. That was fine as far as we were concerned. I just continued to wear a shawl over my sweater. It was either that or a coat!
Monday afternoon arrived… We were ready for the plumber to arrive… But he hadn’t got here by 4pm. Dave rang the firm. ‘The plumber was definitely on his way…’ they told him. So we waited…. and waited…. and waited. Dave rang again. Same answer; ‘Plumber was delayed but he will be there.’ Fine… So we waited some more.
At 5.15pm Dave rang yet again… ‘Our man was delayed… He’ll be there sometime after 12 noon tomorrow!’
Around 4.30pm Tuesday, a man did arrive. Another nice man. At least this rather unreliable firm hired pleasant people to work for them. This chap knew nothing about our appointment from yesterday, but said they were very busy at the minute.
I told him that all his firm had to do was ring us and be honest and say there was delay… and could we wait till the next day? Of course we could. It wasn’t an emergency… there was no flooding of water everywhere, and the radiators did let off some heat.
By this time, Dave had had a good look at the boiler in the shed. He thought there was a bit of a problem with it… So I led the man to the shed… Turns out, that was were the problem lay. He then had to bleed the radiators again… How many times is that now? I’ve forgotten!
He said there may be a problem… If there was, he’d replace something or other… He’ll ring in a day or two, or we should call the firm.
So far, so good. No problem… All the radiators are – at last – working fine and are hot from bottom to top. I’ve put my shawl away again!
I hope that is the end of the boring saga!
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins
may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why
did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It i s not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..
Phone call last week:
“Can we stay a night at yours? We’re off down to London… ?” It was Martin, Chris’ friend who lives in Scotland. He and his wife Gail were meeting up with his family and friends and were also going to see a show.
This is a very small bedroom and we don’t have much room so Chris got the small caravan organised for them to stay in it. He put the little electric heater in on a low setting a couple of days before they were due to arrive. They, typically, arrived at 5.30am Friday morning! The outside lights came on and the dogs barked so I got out of bed to look… It was them.
I went to welcome them as I saw Chris go outside to bring them in. I had to detour straight into the bathroom. It was another bad morning for me and my tummy! Chris made them a cup of tea as I went back to my bedroom to take some tablets. I was then in and out of the bathroom for the next half an hour and only managed a quick ‘Hello!’ between trips.
It was the first time I had met Gail. She’s a lovely girl born and bred in Glasgow. They departed to the caravan for some sleep after telling us that their first hour of driving had been in driving snow so it was slow going to start with.
They came back into the house around the middle of the afternoon where Martin cooked them both bacon and eggs. Martin has stayed with us enough times now that I am happy for him to take over my kitchen when he wants to.
The day before I had cooked a lovely stew of beef in red wine sauce… After we had eaten, it went into the fridge. I knew they’d eat it later… which they did. In fact there was still enough for us all to have some. Why is a meal like that always better the following day?
Mean while as I explained in an earlier blog, I had a plumber in and out trying to fix the radiators. After the second visit, I thought they were fixed… but as luck would have it. They weren’t. The top half of most of the radiators were cool to cold while the bottom half were quite hot! So there was still air in them… Something was wrong.
Dave rang the firm up… They are due to arrive at any minute… today Monday. Fingers crossed they solve the problem this time.
Martin and Gail took off for London on Saturday morning. Peace and quiet at last. I love having them here… but the place is so small and Martin is so tall – well over 6 foot – there really isn’t much room if we are all in the same one!
To Drink or Not To Drink…
Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have always enjoyed a glass of wine in the evening or when out with friends. I seldom drank more than one glass here at home… But I did enjoy it. Months ago, I went right off it. In fact, over Christmas I had a small glass of Baileys, and that’s all.
I love the taste of Baileys and discovered that our local Co-op sells a similar drink for a good few pounds cheaper. So I bought a bottle or two. Dave likes the odd glass and Chris, who doesn’t normally drink, also likes a shot in a cup of coffee. Over the last week, I’ve had some and while Martin and Gail were here, I had a couple of glasses too.
I noticed that my tummy was very bad every morning for consecutive days but I hadn’t been having a dreadfully swollen tummy in the evenings. Most odd? I wondered if the little drink might have had anything to do with it? After all, it’s very rich, sweet and creamy. So for the last two evenings, I haven’t had a drink of it. And Martin – bless him – bought me two bottles of the stuff as a thank you for letting them stay.
My tummy has been fine for the last two days… Since not having a drink at night. I have no real stress either as Dearly Beloved has been fine and hasn’t had a mood swing since coming out of hospital. Not sure of his mood today though. He’s a little upset that the plumber still hasn’t arrived! He’s just rung the firm. They said he is coming today! It’s 4.10pm as I write this… So there isn’t much of today - in work hours - left now!
Chris is about to take off down to London to meet Martin and Gail and other friends. He does this every now and again… But he’ll be back late tonight or tomorrow morning before it’s light. He never leaves his dogs for too long.
If this plumber would just come… fix the problem and go… We will have a very nice quiet evening with no arguments as to which channel to watch! I shall take control of the remote… LOL
