My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY !!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scales.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
Saturday, 28 February 2009
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
Sunday, 22 February 2009
The other day I downloaded a Mahjong game to trial. It is the only game I have downloaded to try out on this laptop but I noticed the next day that Internet pages were taking a little longer to load up. I didn’t give it much thought… may be the ‘net was busy?
After a couple of days and after the trial period had expired, pages were still a little slower than normal… So I went to Control Panel and deleted/uninstalled from the programme.
Afterwards I noticed that an icon was still on my desktop so I just deleted it. But I wondered why it had remained after deleting properly? I know these things happen and that programmes often leave ‘things’ even when you think you’ve removed the original programme.
Now… a couple of days on, I see that pages are still slower to load than normal so I thought I’d go back to a restore point. It was Dearly Beloved’s suggestion. I would normally ignore any suggestion he made as regards a PC due to the dreadful mishaps he manages to make on his PC. But I thought he had a good point and it was worth giving it a try.
It’s not easy finding anything on Vista… It’s easy once you can find what you want… Finding it is the problem…Anyway, I got there. And I managed to go back further than just 5 days, which is what was displaying. I went back to the beginning of the month.
So for the next hour, I sat here waiting. Waiting for the restore point and re-booting. Then updating Windows Live… another long wait. Then I thought I had better check for Windows updates as I’d had several over the last month. Another length of time waiting for the updates and once again, re-booting.
Fingers crossed that things are back to normal now… I am not sure yet as I stopped to write this!
Any advice will be gratefully received…
Friday, 20 February 2009
Last night I watched ‘Rogue Traders’ on BBC 1 which was billed as being about puppy farmers. Click the link to see the programme if you missed it.
I was very disappointed. I don’t think the two presenters took the situation seriously enough. Puppy farming is a BIG problem and there really ought to be a law against it. There are some restrictions but people get around these laws easily.
The programme did nothing to inform people of where or how to look for a puppy. It was just casually mentioned. It was more like watching a comedy programme on what I consider a VERY serious subject.
The link is an article from the RSPCA about the programme. They say they were there, but I am sure the reporters said that no RSPCA inspector was available to attend when they called the police. I may be wrong. I haven’t looked at the programme for a second chance to make sure. I understood that they attended afterwards… Bit late for the filming in my opinion!
RSPCA advice to consumers:
· Always see a puppy with its mother in the place where it was bred, and pay attention to the mother’s size, health, personality and reaction to the puppy – is it the real mother? Ideally see the father too. If you can’t see them, be suspicious
· Try to find out as much as possible about where the puppy has come from, and beware if the breeder is from outside the UK
· If you are told the puppy has been vaccinated, check the vaccination cards carefully. Be wary if the vet’s contact details are not visible, or have an address outside the UK
· Pedigree certificates are never a guarantee for the condition of your puppy, and may not even mean you are buying a pure-bred dog
· Never buy from someone who offers to deliver your puppy or arranges to meet you somewhere
· As hard as it will be, never buy a puppy just because you feel sorry for it
· If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t – use your common sense, and walk away
· If you are concerned about how you were sold the puppy, contact Consumer Direct on 08454 04 05 06
· If you have welfare concerns about puppies you have seen, contact the RSPCA on 0300 1234 999
· Always consider instead adopting a rescue dog from an animal welfare organisation.
I will add that if you are contacting a reputable breeder there is a good chance that you will NOT be able to see the sire (or father) of the pups. The reason being that the breeder will have studied the pedigree of the bitch (intended mother of the pups) and will have found a dog suitably out-crossed (no close in-breeding), and may well have travelled half the country to mate the bitch to the right dog.
It is common practice that you take your bitch to the dog. Not the other way round.
I would also advise that you check that the sire and the dam have had the available health checks for that breed. Do your research on the Internet before you visit a breeder. A good place to start in the UK is The Kennel Club.
There are links on the page with further advice. Look at the breeds of dogs you are thinking about. Check what health tests they should have.
The Kennel Club web site will have a list of puppies available from their registered breeders. After making an appointment with a breeder, go and visit. There is a good chance you will see several dogs in the place. Some may be related to your intended pup. You will get an idea of how your puppy will end up.
I would advise that you do not buy the first puppy you see. Never buy a puppy if you can’t see the mother with it.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Stood, sat sitting here on the settee with Jade lying beside me upside down having a kip and her tummy tickled, I realised it was about time I cut her nails! In fact, the other three needed their nails done too. I don’t mind doing it, but Jade hates having it done and there is generally a bit of a struggle.
Luckily, my grooming box was beside the settee, so I reached over and got the clippers out, being careful not to disturb Jade too much. If she woke and saw them in my hand, she’d have jumped off the settee and gone and hidden under my bed or somewhere equally in accessible.
I quietly unclipped the bit that holds the clippers shut and got a firm grip on the handles. Jade is a dog that doesn’t really like her paws stroked, but she was quite relaxed and let me gently hold one. I managed to get the fur out of the way on one of the middle toes on a front leg and clipped! She hardly noticed what I was doing.
She cottoned on after the next nail, but didn’t rush off. I got the two middle nails clipped on both her front feet. Then she made her escape. I was so pleased that she had remained so calm I gave her a titbit. I thought I’d leave the other nails till I had someone to help hold her with me.
Next to get on the settee was Jazz. I had left the clippers out and handy to reach. Jazz stretched out and exposed her tummy to be tickled… and I made my move. She never blinked an eye and I got all her nails done quickly between cuddles.
Titch was next. He’s a big strong boy but such a baby. He buried his head in my lap which made it awkward to get to his nails… Chris came to the rescue and held him. I got them all done. His nails only needed tipping. They weren’t too bad at all.
Titbits all round. It was getting late so I thought I’d finish Jade off today sometime. I don’t know why she hates it so much. I’ve never cut too far and had her bleed. She just hates it.
I’m a firm believer that if you teach a puppy to accept you handling their feet and tipping the ends of their nails, it makes life a lot less stressful when you need to trim the hair from between the toes and around the pads and clip the nails when they are older. Collies need their feet trimmed. Short haired dogs don’t necessarily.
I’ve had Jade since a 6 weeks old pup… Titch, Jazz and Katie, I bred, so have tipped their nails and trimmed the fur from when they were babies. Katie went to a new owner but she was here at lot when the man was working. So she’s no trouble really either.
Why Titch should make such a fuss, I don’t know? He is such a big softy. If you say ‘Show me!’, and go to check his ear or his teeth or a paw. He will keep perfectly still till you release him. But pick up the nail clippers and it’s a different story. He behaved a little like an ostrich… trying to bury its head in the sand. Under your arm in Titch’s case!
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Last night I went to town clearing the kitchen. Emptying the dish washer and filling it up and putting it on. Then I sorted some things out and wiped all the surfaces leaving the place looking great.
Chris vacuumed the carpet in the sitting room last thing so it would be free of dog hairs in the morning.
We were expecting a new nurse to arrive to meet Dave at 11am. Apparently she is a heart specialist or something. She keeps an eye on people with heart problems in and around our area. As she hadn’t met Dave, she wanted to introduce her self. Hence my panic to get the house sorted and looking reasonable clean.
This morning, I really wanted to turn over in bed and go back to sleep. But I got up as usual and fed the dogs. Why does one feel extra tired when you know you have to get up?
I got dressed and sorted the couple of things kindly left on the side in the kitchen. No one else realises that we have a sink with a bowl in it and constant hot water and washing up liquid. So it’s not hard to wash just one bowl… or is it? Seems in this house that since having a dish washer, no one knows how to wash up by hand any more!
So I cleared the sink and picked up a duster to go over the surfaces in the sitting room. Then turned a chair a bit for the nurse to sit in. The chair was facing the TV and if she was going to sit in it, she needed to be facing the room and us.
Then I made a coffee for me and Chris and a tea for Dave and sat down and booted up my laptop.
I read the emails and Janice had sent a joke that I transferred over to my Spaces Blog. Then went to put it on my Blogger site. Nothing appeared on the page? It looked like all my blogs had been wiped away except for the right hand side bar. Most odd?
Dave was sitting in his chair and had commented that the nurse was 10 minutes late…
The phone rang. Must be the nurse asking how to get to us. I answered… I have won a cruise around the Caribbean. How lucky am I? But I didn’t have time to speak to the caller so I put the phone down.
“Ahum…” grunted Dave reading a letter. “The nurse is due next Wednesday… Not today!”
I took a deep breath and locked my mouth shut and sat on my hands to prevent myself strangling him.
Looking on the bright side (if there is one), I am sitting in a room free of dog hairs… This won’t last long!
Back to publishing my Blogger blog. I was at a loss as to what had happened and the thought went through my mind that someone had hacked into it and erased all my blogs.
The other odd thing about today was that when I logged on and tried to download my emails I was asked to sign in. Normally, Windows Mail just downloads instantly.
I had also been asked to sign into Messenger. Normally that logs on as soon as I boot up.
When I went to switch off last night, I had a Windows up-date so let it do it before closing the lid of the laptop. I thought may be that had something to do with everything this morning… All this signing in.
Do you remember all the passwords you use for different programmes? I sure as ‘ell don’t! Years ago, I always used the same password but was soon advised that it was not a good idea! So I’ve stopped doing that… Which means I can never remember what password I have used for which programme!
Anyway… I digress! Back to publishing the post. I write my blogs on Windows Live Writer… have done for ages. Then publish, one after the other, to my two blogs.
Back to being asked for my password again on Blogger. I had got my saved page up from my Favourites this time and tried signing in… That worked and up came what they call the ‘Dashboard’. So I tried posting again. No luck!
I closed everything and started again… Was asked for my password… again… and popped in the first one I had tried… and hey presto! It worked. I must have typed it wrong the first time. Silly me! I published and all was well this time.
Now what else can go wrong today?
This is hilarious!
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
My daughter-in-law just sent this to me… And I know exactly how she feels. I have the same problem here at my house & I don’t have PMT!
Q: How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this f***n house knows HOW to change a f***n light bulb! They don't even know that the f***n bulb is BURNED OUT!!
They would sit in the dark for THREE f***n DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been
in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the f***n chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME f***n SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER
THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO F**er EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE F***N PILES OF GARBAGE THAT
ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE F***N HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE F***N TOILET PAPER ROLL !!
What was the question?
So when my husband or my youngest son (who lives with us), reads this… Please change the bulb in the wall light in the sitting room! It blew out two weeks ago. I’ve given up asking you both!
When you have an 'I Hate My Job day' [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.'
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!
.........Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart ... then you are just a sour old fart. Maybe you should go and work for Johnson & Johnson ! ! ! ! !
Monday, 16 February 2009
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
By Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits .
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
Is this not typical of this country? The writing at the top of the picture says:
I can’t come into work today. When I woke up this morning there was 20 inches of snow outside my back door. I took the photo to prove it to you.
Hopefully I will be in tomorrow after the snow has melted.
Last night we had an inch of snow fall in large flakes. It was so beautiful. The dogs had a great time playing and rolling around in it. They all came in white where the snow had settled on their backs. But at least they weren’t muddy! Just wet.
Last weeks snow… Friday morning is the day the rubbish is collected. Well… it’s the day it is generally collected. Not last week. I wonder why? I mentioned that we had had some snow, but not that much that a vehicle couldn’t get down our lane. We had no trouble driving up or down it. Nor did the lorries from the lorry park down the other end.
But obviously, our rubbish disposal truck found it just too much!
We had more snow last night. Not a lot, but about an inch. It is melting fast this morning as the sun is out. Hubby went down to the surgery earlier for his bloods to be taken… and our dustbins are still not emptied! And it’s a week later. Obviously too dangerous for the drivers in the snow again? OMG… I give up.
Yesterday we had a nice surprise… A week ago we ordered some more oil. I can’t be without my central heating and the tank was getting a bit low. Dearly beloved phoned around and settled on a firm called ‘WCF Fuels – Eastern’.
For 2000 kerosene it was going to be £700.00 odd. It isn’t cheap now. The day before delivery Dave got an email from the firm. As they had four other customers to deliver to in the surrounding area, they were deducting £100.00 off the bill.
What a pleasant surprise, especially in this day and age with our economic climate where other firms are going out of business. If you live in their area, I suggest you give them a try if you need more oil. The snow didn’t stop them coming to us!
Think I’ll have to hook up the trailer and take our rubbish up to the council tip myself! I’ve got more stuff that can go up at the same time… I’ve been meaning to take it.
Smash & Grab… The other evening Dave did something he doesn’t often do. He actually got up off his backside and took his plate out to the kitchen when he’d finished eating!
Then there was an almighty smash as he went to save it from falling on the kitchen stone tiled floor. He missed! There were only about three large pieces. The rest was tiny little shards that had managed to spread over the entire kitchen floor. I got up to look… I couldn’t believe how it had scattered.
I rushed for the hoover as Dave stood there in his socks, mouth agape! Wish I’d taken a photo… Couldn’t as the battery is flat – remember?
The biggest problem was keeping the dogs off the area and Dave who was by now walking around picking up small shards of china on the bottom of his socks. Men!!!
After I’d yelled at him a few times to get out of the way… I did manage to clear it all up with no cut paws (most important), or cut feet, in Dave’s case.
Battery Charger… We had to order a charger for the camera… I never did find the old one. Don’t think we actually had one. Something similar, but this camera’s battery didn’t fit in it. It arrived yesterday so I can now take some photos. A bit late to take the dogs in the snow now as most of it has melted already!
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
If you would like to make a monetary donation toward helping dog owners and their pets who have been affected by the bush fires please use the following methods:
All money raised will be shared among our members who are victims of the bushfires
A catalogue of ‘the show’ will be given to each of our affected members as a sign of the support of their friends
Copies of the catalogue will also be available on the website
The catalogue will simply show breed, dog’s name and owner’s name. Why not make an entry in the name of your favourite dog that may no longer still be with you?
ANY dog is eligible to enter as there will be special classes for "dogs from mixed marriages" and "rainbow bridge" (dearly departed dogs),
I have just had another email from Jill…
We have stood in front of our TV screens watching the latest live news and felt so sad. Then when the news comes through of people you know it puts a personal face on the tragedy and hurts even worse.
In the west here the dog community is raising money as that seems to be the only thing we can do. I have a super kennel complex with room for at least 18 dogs. We don't use the kennels because our dogs live in the house with us, but I have opened our doors to anyone who has to go East in a hurry to be with family or help with the fires and offered to keep their dogs here with no boarding fees. We already have nine dogs coming to 'visit'. It is only a small thing but they at least know their dogs will be okay while they are away.
My friend’s brother in law fly's one of the water bombers and he was able to clear a path for a convoy of cars fleeing the fires which saved their lives. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. It was one good story to come out of it.
There are still 20 fires burning uncontrolled but thankfully the temperatures have dropped. At present the winds are southerly. If they change to easterly, another four townships will be threatened.
Here in the West our temperatures are going to 40 degrees plus this week ,so hopefully we will not have any fire lighting idiots around.
As we live at the end of a no through road my neighbours and I have arranged with the owners of property to the back of us that, if ever such a fire hit us, we can unlock his gates and go through that way if needs be. We have all become very safety fire conscious after this.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
You will have read about the fires and seen pictures on the News programmes on TV.
This morning, I had the following email from a friend who now lives in Australia. It is one thing seeing the horrors on the news. It’s another altogether when you hear the personal story of the situation from a friend.
I warn you. Have a tissue ready. I cried the whole way through reading Jill’s email….
I expect you will have heard about the terrible fires in Victoria, many of the people you met Dave and Mary*, have been caught up in this, and relatives of those you met whilst here Jenny** are having a very worrying time.
Yesterday we heard that two of our members had loaded their dogs and horses to get out when a fireball was upon them Mal and Faye got into an adjoining paddock and laid flat, miraculously the fire missed them but all their beloved dogs and horses were gone. Their house, stables, cars everything incinerated.
Further up the hill a Malamute breeder was trying to get everything together but they were trapped. He, his wife, two children and all their dogs are gone. Boarding kennels full of dogs completely burnt to the ground.
It is horrendous, one of Karen’s friend's (you would remember her Dave and Mary. She had dinner with us at Anne Bulke's place). She was seven months pregnant. She tried to get away from the flames carrying a wet blanket. Sadly her body was found under the blanket in the road a measly ten metres away from safety.
The dog community is pulling together to try to help but the danger is not over. Karen's sister lives in Hillsville and the fire is now threatening them. We heard today that she has evacuated and is safe at a relief centre.
The worst of all this is that the fires were deliberately lit. Those people are mass murderers. The death toll is expected to reach 200 but the loss of animals will be in the thousands.
Amanda*** and I were due to go over last weekend to run a DWD seminar, when we received a phone call telling us not to go. Little did we realise the horror that was about to unfold.
Keep all these people in your prayers and hope to see you all next year to tell you of the remarkable recovery of many of these people.
* Dave and Mary Ray have taken training courses for dogs and handlers in Australia.
** Jenny Lunn has also taken a training course quite recently.
***Amanda is Jill’s daughter.
Please spare some prayers for all the families and their animals that are suffering so dreadfully through this horrendous time.
I will let Jill know I have posted her email here, so if you would like to leave a comment, hopefully she may find the time to read it.
Saturday, 7 February 2009
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. And those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said : In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember : Water = Poop Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk kak, than to drink water and be full of kak.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing this as a public service.
Friday, 6 February 2009
Woke up yesterday to a beautiful white clean looking garden with snow everywhere. It always looks so lovely before there are foot prints over it.
The dogs popped out for their first widdle of the day except little Jazz. She stood on the kitchen step – turned to look at me – as if ask 'who painted the patio white?’ A little encouragement, and she stepped into the snow. She has seen it before but only about once, I think.
I went in to get their breakfast ready for when I called them in. Then I stood looking out of the window. All four dogs were having so much fun chasing eachother around the place. When I opened the back door, they all bounced in for their food.
Later in the day when they were taken out, it was a pleasure to bring in dogs with just wet feet and not muddy from top to tail…
This morning, I trimmed up all the fur between their toes. They hate getting balls of snow on their feet. It can make it hard to walk. I put my warmest coat on, a pair of gloves, put the camera in my pocket and set off for a walk with two of them. Jade and Jazz.
Chris has taken Titch and Katie off in his car. He’d gone shopping. He’ll run them when he gets back, or will stop somewhere before he brings them home.
The two girls and I got going. My lane outside the bungalow is really wet and muddy looking though the ground is quite solid under foot. But there had been several lorries and a tractor of two up and down so it looked dirty.
I turned into the fields to walk up by our local Gun Club. No one was out shooting. The girls were sniffing around and running here, there and everywhere. Thoroughly enjoying themselves. I took the camera out of my pocket and put it on… The screen went black? ‘Oh no!’ I had let the battery go flat. So no pics of the dogs playing I am afraid.
Here is a video of a friend of mine taking her collies for a walk last Tuesday. Wendy has a lovely place not too far away from me. About an hour away. She runs regular training days and helps raise money for our ObedienceUK Fund. The field the dogs start off running in is hers… then through the gate at the end and she’s in the woods.
I hope you enjoy the video.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
*Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it.*
*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*
*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where???'*
**They Walk among us!!*
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!*
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kgr.*
**They walk among us! *
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot..*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!*
My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... *
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!*
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!*
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*
**Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!*
*Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!*
For all Who Work With Rude Customers, shame WE can't actually do this!
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo…
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal - 'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F*** You!'
Without flinching, she smiled sweetly and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Today is the birthday of my Jazz & Katie and the rest of the litter. They are 5 today… Goodness how time flies! It seems like only last week that Jade produced 6 beautiful puppies. 4 boys and two girls.
Jade had an easy pregnancy but for the first time, I had her scanned to see how many puppies she might be having. I was told there were at least 7 and possibly 8 in there! So after the 6th pup was born with no sign of another coming, I gave her a little run around the garden, hopefully, to get her started again.
Nothing happened as she settled down to feed the babies. I rang my vet asking him if he could pop out and check her for me. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
He arrived shortly afterwards and told me there weren’t any more puppies waiting to be born. I knew this really but had worried unnecessarily because of the scan.
This was the third Border Collie litter I had bred. Previously, I had bred several German Shepherd litters, so I did have experience. I would never waste the money again for a scan as it cost me, not only the cost of the scan, but the cost of calling my vet out too. If I remember rightly, it was the weekend when prices are always higher!
They were a lovely litter, as the first litter had been. I always enjoy rearing puppies. I never leave them. Jade gave birth in the whelping box erected in what we call the PC room. I used our put-you-up bed beside the box. If I had gone and slept in my bedroom, Jade would have followed me in there when I went to bed! It’s her normal sleeping place.
All went well as I was able to sit at my desktop and get on the internet and keep a close eye on things.
Once I start feeding, Jade looks at me and says: ‘You can look after them now!’ She was so good though. I’d feed them and get them drinking goats milk, but Jade would give them an extra feed when I asked her to. She also tried to do all the cleaning up!
By the time they were eating solid food, I was able to start playing with them. I always keep lots of assorted toys around, all with different textures, for them to get used to. It wasn’t long before I was able to play gentle tuggies with them. They all learnt their names and would come when called.
By this time, I had transferred them into the conservatory which had a wooden floor and two doors that opened out to the patio. The weather was quite mild so they began to use outside to do their business.
I also took them out in the car twice, down to our friends house. They had close relatives to my dogs. Also, as they didn’t run their dogs on common land, on the second visit the pups were allowed out into their garden to explore.
The reason I take my puppies out in my car is to get them used to travelling to help when they go off to their new homes. I also had to visit the Animal Health Trust near Newmarket to have their eyes and hearing tested at 6 weeks, before they left home.
As it turned out, we had a long day down at the AHT, so I was glad they were happy in the car. It seemed that everyone in the area had a litter to be screened!
Eventually, most left home between 7 and 8 weeks. They were all going to experienced BC handlers, so I was happy. But it didn’t stop me crying my eyes out as they left home!
I kept Jazz from the litter, so I still had one, which helped. Our friends had Katie. They lived a half an hours journey away and they visited us a couple of times a week, or we drove down to them.
Charlie, the red and white boy, had picked his owner… Angela. We call her the Vicar of Dibley as she is a vicar and doesn’t live far away.
Having said that, as I write this, she is about to move up to Scotland to do her vicaring in a new parish up there. So I won’t see Charlie much when she leaves at the end of this month. Charlie has found his one love… He does Flyball and loves it.
One of the other puppies was Whizz – Whizzie Wizard – who went to a working home. I am very proud of Whizz. He won his way through all the Obedience classes right through to Class C and has now won that class and has a qualifier. One more and he can work Championship C, the very top class. A win in Champ C means he can go to Crufts and compete in the Championships. I am very proud of Whizz and his lovely owner.
My friend’s wife died three years ago, which is why I have Katie back home with me. She was her baby. Katie is here to stay now. I love her so much. She’s settled in as if she had never left home in the first place. But then, she was here most weeks anyway!
I haven’t seen the other two boys… Pity really. I would to. But they live a long way away.
Happy Birthday to all my babies… I love you and miss you all.
It tried to snow yesterday without a lot of success… Just small flakes drifting slowly down. This morning we are covered. It’s no more than a covering but down south here in the UK, they are in real trouble. This country comes to a virtual stand-still when we get a little snow. No London buses or Underground trains are running except one that doesn’t go overland at all.
Other countries seem to carry on almost as normal when they get snow… Not the UK. We grind to a halt! How are you coping where you are?
My dogs love the snow, so I’ll take them out shortly after I’ve posted this.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took
it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it
was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the
student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people
of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the
moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and
hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, bsp; light-speed processing ....and," he
paused to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said,
"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young.....so we
invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next
The applause was resounding...