Sunday, 22 March 2009

Have a Laugh…

I  have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take  something for it.

FOLLOW  YOUR DREAMS! Except  that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole  chicken.

Heaven  is Where:
The  Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The  Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's  all organized by the Swiss.
Hell  is Where:
The  Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all  organized by the  Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My  short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to  be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome  to Utah… Set  your watch back 20  years.

In  just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

The  statement below is true.
The statement above is  false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I  am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

I  LOVE COOKING WITH WINE…Sometimes  I even put it in the food.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine,  "Fred".

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Red  meat is not bad for you… Fuzzy  green meat is bad for  you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone  rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

I  want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

It’s Mother’s Day… Have a good one…

1 comment:

Penny said...

Very good...hehehe